I've never heard my house so quiet. The buzzing of the pool filter outside is the only sound I hear. I don't know how I'll ever be able to step on those pool steps, or even look at that pool without thinking about your struggle, your last minutes of life. Is it possible to run out of tears? If not, then I have just proved the impossible. I feel as if I have run out of excuses. Excuses about why this shouldn't have happened. I didn't get to say my last goodbye. What was I doing when this happened? I never got to squeeze you so tight, knowing that it would be the last time I ever got to hold you. I regret all those times I pushed you away. All the times you wanted to kiss me, but I told you to leave me alone. I've never ever been so upset. It's going to be so hard telling people about how my dog died.
Finding out was the hardest. The square of the Bed Bath and Beyond parking lot where I sat, has my tears now. Soon to be washed away by the rain, the wind, everything. How could the people on the other side of the place be so happy, while I was so upset? So many doubts filled my mind. How could this of happened? You've been in and out of the pool so many times. You could get out on your own...so why didn't you? Was it your time to go? How could you have looked so peaceful, fur swaying with the flow of water. I admired you so much. I wanted to keep you forever, but you have a better place to be now. I hope you enjoy it there. I really do love you; we all love you. I know I'll be seeing you soon, every time I take a glance at the mantle.
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2 comments:
reading this honestly made me cry.
and i don't cry that easily.
amanda, things will get better. i promise. when my puppy died, i didn't think i would ever get over it but i realized things happen for a reason and shes definatly in a better place. that mocha cry you heard last night was her saying her goodbye and telling you how good of a mommy you've been. i love you, stay strong :)
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