Conditioner in my eyes.

And a slap in the face of bad news.
What next?

I'm in my...

"finishing people's sentences" phase.

One compliments the other.

Why do you

always pop back into my life, at random times?
Just when I was positively over you. Now here you are.
I know nothing will happen, just like always. But at least I'm finally prepared for what you have in store. It's just a pattern with us. I'm used to it now.

Time for fall break!

So many great things happening. So many sad things happening.

Tuesday Night- Maddi, Kenzie, David, Kelsey, Krista, Blake, Lauren, Laura, Jonny, Cousin Pat, and I...all together in one place. So much tension circling the air. Lots of fun, but not so much. Went to Chipotle, then the mall, then Maddi's house, then Jonny's, then back to Maddi's. Spent the night there, while enjoying a not-so-delicious microwavable chicken chow mien disaster. Went to my house early Wednesday morning to "sleep".

Wednesday Morning- Just as I'm about to get in the shower to get ready to go to Maddi's house, I get a call from David that he's on his way to my house. Maddi left, Blake arrived, David showered, I showered then we started our day. Walking to the Habit, then to Borders...a lot of fun. Came back to my house and started watching Helter Skelter. Just as Delanie and Lindsay came over, night came.

Wednesday Night- David, Lindsay, Delanie, Blake, Ryan, Cousin Pat, Jonny, Nathan, his Ouija Board, and I smushed in my Bonus Room, watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Then played with the Ouija Board. So many scary things happened. Too many to share in here. As everyone left though, Lindsay, Ryan, Nathan and I were playing it and I've never been so afraid in my life. Everyone left after that, and Lindsay and I were going to fall asleep. So, we went in my room and slept quietly until 4:00 a.m. when her dad had to come pick us up because we were so terrified. We went back to her house and it took hours before I went back to sleep. She had told me all these scary things that happened which made it even harder for us to sleep.

Thursday Morning- When morning came, I was the happiest I've been in a while because I wouldn't have to be afraid of her house anymore! We had a nice bowl of Froggy Cereal and talked to her brother about their crazy gardener, who waters the plants even when it's raining. My dad picked me up at 10:00 then I had to call Maddi and tell her all about my night, and the one shocking thing that happened. That message made my heart drop, and I didn't know what to do next. Tons of "Happy Thanksgiving" texts arrived in my Inbox, which made my heart happy. Now, I'm ready to start my day.


I forgot what else I did this weekend.

What a dream I just woke up from...


And the card I received in the mail from Kelsey and Megan today was so kind and thoughtful, it turned my blood warm.

I have a feeling you just jump from one person to the next. I know it didn't mean anything, or at least, it didn't mean as much as I wanted it to. Who knows what will happen.

Mellow...

...Weekend.
Calm, relaxing, and spent with the people who mean the most to me.
The Sunday gatherings at my house, two weeks in a row. Not fun at all. But just the right amount of company.

Nothing gets better than that.

One day after another,

You all are right. This is getting easier. I am feeling better. Thank you.

Friday night was cute. I love spending time with all of those people. I'm really glad I hang out with those girls again. I never realized how good of friends they were, until they were there when I needed them most. I can't be any more happy that I have such great friends in my life. I have everyone I need. I couldn't ask for anything better. I think our group of friends is just so full of life, and so open with each other. It makes me really happy.

I loved how we've been talking for weeks now, but you didn't even say hi to me. Just a simple "hello". I couldn't even get that much. It's okay. I still have a crush on you, just because you're so adorable.




I got a pet fish! His name is Tucker. I love hearing him eat his pellets.









The rest of this weekend probably won't be fun.

I miss you

already.

Do you think,

that whenever there's a silence, from now on, I won't start crying? Do you think the sound of sniffles and sight of tears will eventually die off? Every time I'm not talking, I'm crying. And every time I'm talking, I'm trying not to cry. I know that I'll still wake up every morning, and expect her to come running in my room. I still hear hear whines, and cries from the other room. I hear her sitting at the door, whining to be let inside. I hear all of it, constantly. If my eyes are closed, she's still with me. And everytime I look at Coco, I see her. I see Mocha. Besides my grandma, this is the hugest loss I've ever had to deal with. But I'm SO glad I have great friends who will come over just to cry with me. Not only was she a part of my family, but everyone else's. I would have never expected this to impact everyone as much as it has.

The sound of silence

I've never heard my house so quiet. The buzzing of the pool filter outside is the only sound I hear. I don't know how I'll ever be able to step on those pool steps, or even look at that pool without thinking about your struggle, your last minutes of life. Is it possible to run out of tears? If not, then I have just proved the impossible. I feel as if I have run out of excuses. Excuses about why this shouldn't have happened. I didn't get to say my last goodbye. What was I doing when this happened? I never got to squeeze you so tight, knowing that it would be the last time I ever got to hold you. I regret all those times I pushed you away. All the times you wanted to kiss me, but I told you to leave me alone. I've never ever been so upset. It's going to be so hard telling people about how my dog died.
Finding out was the hardest. The square of the Bed Bath and Beyond parking lot where I sat, has my tears now. Soon to be washed away by the rain, the wind, everything. How could the people on the other side of the place be so happy, while I was so upset? So many doubts filled my mind. How could this of happened? You've been in and out of the pool so many times. You could get out on your own...so why didn't you? Was it your time to go? How could you have looked so peaceful, fur swaying with the flow of water. I admired you so much. I wanted to keep you forever, but you have a better place to be now. I hope you enjoy it there. I really do love you; we all love you. I know I'll be seeing you soon, every time I take a glance at the mantle.

My last memories.

Here are some pictures. It's so hard to look these and not start crying. I'll have more up later.

This is

a new start.