Clouds in my coffee.

Getting home from a vacation, and coming home to realize you're still on one.
What does the word "vacation" mean to me? -Time away. In simplest detail.

There is so much I'm dying to tell you. So much I want to get off my shoulders. I just can't find the right time, or the right words. I know whatever I say, will get turned around completely and made into something that's "my fault". Waiting should be my best bet, but somethings you just need to know now, before it's too late. And by too late, I mean the end. The end completely.

Of course I wouldn't want that. Never in a million years.

Wow.

Is all I have to say.

You've got to be kidding. Aren't you?

This has been

great.


And I got the best pair of slippers for Hannukkah tonight!
I just wish my webcam would work.

Focusing on what's real:

I don't need this anymore. Everything's changing up, for the good and not so good. I feel even myself might be changing. Opposite of how I used to be? (Or so I hope). Starting to realize the lack of a point of being shy. Or why I should stop complaining, and accept mostly everything that comes my way. Of course things will even out, and make sense in the end. I can't wait when it does. I really can't wait. Do I want this, though?
Asking myself: What's the point? What is the point? Wanting this point to be coming soon. I can feel it. And, it's coming soon.




I got a pet bird named Geraldine. Fake.

I listen to the wind,

the wind of my soul.

I've sat upon the setting sun. But never, never never never. I never wanted water once. No, never, never, never.




I've swam upon the salty lake. But never, never never never. I'll never make the same mistake. No, never, never, never.

I can't help but,

to take you seriously.

All the same things.

IF you know what I mean.






I'm just too excited to listen to Sufjan Steven presents: songs for Christmas (singalong).
I'm even more excited to put it on my ipod.

I sure wish I celebrated Christmas! I miss when I used to.
Who knows? Being different is nice, except the Hannukkah questions I'm getting asked, and expected to give an answer to. Just because my family is Jewish, doesn't mean I'm a walking Torah, you know.
Hanukkah, Chanukah, Hanukah, Chanuka, Chanukkah, Hanuka, Channukah, Chanukka, Hanukka, Hannuka, Hannakkah, Xanuka, Hannukka, Channukkah, Channukka, Chanuga.
The only thing I know, though, is the many different ways to spell it!

The start of break.

As high as my expectations could have possibly reached, and it's been even better.
I'm glad, I'm glad. I hope you are too.

I'm starting to feel,

not so afraid anymore.




and I don't even regret that, you know, not one bit.

On the spot.

I never got a chance to write about how much fun Saturday was. I'm glad you had fun, and you. I'm glad you told me how you regret leaving so early that night, and wish you didn't.
But, most of all. I love this routine we started. I love how you don't even have to ask, now. Last night proved it. I hope maybe you'll want what I've been wanting for a while now. Remember when I was finished blogging about you? That lasted a while...


We haven't had a disagreement in such a long time. Usually one of us gets mad, and it blows over after a while. This time, it was talked over. What a relief. I want you to know how I've been feeling. I'm happy to know you have an idea.



I feel like I'm finally branching out. I've wanted to for so long, and now that I don't want to, I am. It's not that I don't want to. I'm just overly content with my friend situation right now. It will be good though, just a few sleepovers with new friends. I can hardly wait!




How refreshing the Friday morning sky is. How wonderful it worked out that I had my camera that day. Everyday since then has been the most bland, and normal. Why did it stop raining for just one day-Saturday? Didn't that end up going great?I never know what to wear to school when it's almost snowing weather. Sooner or later, I'm going to end up wearing my footie pajamas to school. But, then I'd have nothing to wear that night.







This break for winter should be just what I need.

I'm so happy for you.

Once again, something great has come around for you. But,
once again, I'm stuck with nothing.

It's a pattern, it really is.

"You could feel something in the air,

you know. You could feel something in the air."



The date is December 13th for that flyer. I forgot to put the date on it.
vvvvvvv

I can hardly wait!

Difficulty.

I think Friday and Saturday night were really fun. Almost everything happened just as I expected them not to, which is clearly a wonderful thing. All except one tiny thing. Funny when I say tiny, since it wasn't tiny at all. I based my entire weekend around it, just so nothing I planned, could work out how I was hoping for. Sucks to be me, right? You bet that one.
I'm tired of waiting and waiting and checking my phone every twenty seconds to see if you replied, or debating whether or not I should make plans with you, or if I should send that one '<3' back, which would complicate a whole bunch of things.
Anyways, I'm finished blogging about you...for good. I want to say that this can't continue, but I can't. Let's just see how things go.

I've moved on anyways, to the new love of my life...starting last night. He's so adorable, just like in every girl's eyes. Too bad for that. Maddi wants you to "hook it up". HA! How amusing.

Tomorrow's almost here.

I hope you don't flake again.

Life as the "Mistake Girl"

Part one.

The day after.

How sad for me. While everyone is talking about their 16th birthday, I'm just finished turning 15. 364 more days, counting down. But, this year's birthday was wonderful.

Waking up, being sung "Happy Birthday" by my mom as she walks in my room with two presents. I had an idea about what I was getting, already because I picked out everything myself, online. Just a handful of clothes to add to my already tightly-packed closet. I was too excited that everything fit perfectly, that I forgot to check my phone! Missed calls from David, and Krista. Texts from everyone, waiting to be checked. Calls from family came when I was getting ready. Then, the day started...

The day flew by super fast. Everyone sang "Happy Birthday" to me at lunch. Even though nobody really believed that I was only turning 15.
After school, I renewed my book with Maddi, and talked to the Librarian about turtles. Then, I met David and we walked with Blake to in-n-out! (Since he missed his bus) When Blake left, so did we. Then David and I started walking to my house...the long way. On the turn right before my street, we heard honking. It was Maddi's mom. So she gave us a ride home to my house. When we got home, (Maddi and Kenzie, too!) we had a nice session of "girl talk" with David. Then we went in the bonus room to cuddle and watch Disturbia, until 6:00, when my mom got home and took David to Jonny's, and our family to Musashi. Still getting "Happy Birthday" calls and texts, I was enjoying my evening.
After, we stopped at Pavillion's for ice cream cake, and then met Krista and my house. She surprised me with the "Singing birthday card" and a delicious plate of cookies. After that, everyone came over and hung out at my house, and made a fire in the backyard. Even though the gatherings at my house aren't the most fun, it's still nice to be with everyone, just talking and hanging out.

Everything was fun, everything was perfect, including the cute card Kelsey made me. I couldn't have asked for a better birthday.